I don’t love flying. I don’t love it. But I made it to Nashville around 12:30am and will be out in the world in a few short hours. Today on the docket I’m going with Cousin Elias to a game campaign. Something like Dungeons & Dragons. Catch me last night and I didn’t care to do anything. Today, D&D-like games with my cousin’s friends is EXACTLY what I want to do. So don’t call me, I’m busy.

The AIDS Walk was wild. I’ve never really been around 15,000 people all in the same place before. There were moments where I felt humbled by all the amazing people I met and the willingness to help and work hard and go without complaining. There were times when I thought my body was failing and this is it, I’m going to die here covered in NYC dust surrounded by people who are “entitled to awards because I’ve walked for 30 years.” Honestly it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but straight up, I didn’t love it. There are too many people on this planet. There. I said it.

Once in a lifetime moment. Empty Central Park. Also 5:30am.

(Perfect placement for a PSA about populating the planet: HI, ALL CIS MEN. YOU CAN’T GET ABORTIONS SO WE DON’T ACTUALLY NEED YOUR HELP MAKING DECISIONS ABOUT IT. Wait in the car. We’ll call you in when weed laws come up).

A rumored 15,000 person photobomb (leave the headset alone. I was required to wear it)

But after two months of working (a lot) on this campaign, its finally over and I’m so satisfied I could sleep for 48 hours. I should sleep for 48 hours I’m still so tired. But that must wait. As I mentioned before, I was officially hired on for AIDS Walk SF, so starting Monday I’ll be working out of the NY office on the next campaign until mid-June when I move to SF through July to finish AWSF. Woop! Than back to NY and the unknown. I thrive in unstable conditions. I’m about to glow up.

Ok, I’ve been dreading this, but I may as well just get started. Lil Jaci, at least this specific version, was in her body image prime. She had yet to grow boobs, which is really the first time she noticed she even had a body. She was still short and scrawny but she knew of health. It’s been an ongoing conversation/issue in my family my whole life.

April 16, 2006 “Start eating healthier. Exersize START RIGHT NOW.” (Yeah, I was still figuring out how to spell exercise. That and ‘definitely’ threw me for a loop for years).

I write this in almost every journal from here on out. I actually get pretty mean to myself in the coming journals. Ah, growing up a woman. But that’s not yet. This Lil Jaci was young, spry, she just wanted to get a jump on things. She wanted to pave a way for the life of her dreams and knew that health was one of the factors that would always be in the “most important” category. She also had mono at this very moment.

All I remember is being at the Valley River Mall with Danny and Hannah and the friends when I first started to feel it. That night we went and saw Thursday at the Wow Hall and I felt like trash already. I wasn’t a big kisser those days, so I’m not actually sure how I got mono, but by the time we left the show, my throat was shredded.

I was sick for over eight weeks. I got everything that comes with having mono; laryngitis, pharyngitis, sinus infections, walking pneumonia. I was drinking, huffing, sniffing and swallowing drugs. This is the start of my infamously bad relationship with my immune system. For years to come (still today) getting sick for me typically means getting something you need a shot for (Hi Shingles. If you could just sit tight I’ll be right with you. Oh, and Shingles-The-Second-Time, can I get you a water while you wait?).

She wrote a list of how to get healthy. It’s actually pretty cute:

May 31st 2006:
Help the process of getting better:
-vitamins
-orange juice
-Go to be[d] @ 9:30 (NO EXCEPTIONS)
-Eat 3 meals a day
-Don’t go anywhere big (doesn’t include getting (not staying at) coffee/bubble tea. Go to the store and get what you went for. If hanging out w/ppl, hang out at home)
-gargle w/salt water
-organics
-veggies
-naps, sleep
-if too tired don’t do it!
-stay clean”

I have so many comments we don’t have time for, but anyway, at one point she thought eating healthy and exercising was a good idea. So here we go.

I hate eating healthy. I love pizza and breads of all kinds, I love pastries, I love cake and pie. Most of you know my sick romance with donuts. I like ice cream, I like cheese. I’ve had stomach problems my whole life. Go figure. So I’m going to start by just determining what makes my body hurt, and cut it out. First thing’s first; no more donuts. I’ve been in an on-again-off-again relationship with donuts for years and it’s time for a clean break.

You only ever hurt me, Donuts. And yet I keep you around. Well, pack your shit and leave. We’re through.

As far as exercise goes, I hate that too. So I’ll start some weird routine and do it until I need an upgrade.

There. Fine. I’ll do it. I’ll “START RIGHT NOW.” But I’m not happy, and I’m also too tired to take care of myself, so I won’t do it with a smile on my face.

If you have tips on how to get from exhausted, not sleeping well, always bloated and in pain, eating like a dumpster rat to healthy, please, keep them to yourself. Wait, I meant share them with me. Help me. You can even do it for me if you want.

Cause this girl:

2006

Had plans for this girl:

2019

And I’m willing (I suppose) and ready (ish) to take on this project.

The ‘Go, do and have fun’ Jac took a break to work 1000 hours for AIDS Walk, but she’s back and she’s in Nashville, so follow me on the JACLAND insta to see Cousin Elias, me, and my Memorial Day weekend in rock and roll (and D&D) country.

Wish me luck this week and how do I use a gym?

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